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Good Jewish joke I read. Options
rmberwin
Posted: Tuesday, March 14, 2017 11:29:33 PM

Rank: Member

Joined: 5/30/2012
Posts: 74
Neurons: 337
There once was an old Jewish man, who in his life had suffered many bitter disappointments and was filled with doubts about the merciful God. One day he was preparing his meal and his slice of bread accidentally fell onto the floor, buttered-side down. He cried to himself, "What a misfortune!" And when he was at synagogue he told the Rabbi what had happened, and asked, "If there is a God in heaven, why did my bread fall to the ground buttered-side down?" The Rabbi replied, "You buttered the wrong side".

Do you have a favorite?

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever.
Dreamy
Posted: Wednesday, March 15, 2017 3:41:26 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/11/2009
Posts: 1,499
Neurons: 7,681
Location: Hamilton, Waikato, New Zealand
rmberwin wrote:
There once was an old Jewish man, who in his life had suffered many bitter disappointments and was filled with doubts about the merciful God. One day he was preparing his meal and his slice of bread accidentally fell onto the floor, buttered-side down. He cried to himself, "What a misfortune!" And when he was at synagogue he told the Rabbi what had happened, and asked, "If there is a God in heaven, why did my bread fall to the ground buttered-side down?" The Rabbi replied, "You buttered the wrong side".

Do you have a favorite?

Good one, rmberwin.

An angel appears to three men marooned on a desert island and guarantees to answer them one prayer each.

The first man prays, "Please send me home."

The second man prays, "Please send me home."

The third man prays, "Please bring my two friends back, I'm lonely."

Job 33:15 "In a dream, in a vision of the night, When deep sleep falls upon men, In slumberings upon the bed;" Theology 101 "If He doesn't know everything then He isn't God."
Romany
Posted: Wednesday, March 15, 2017 4:55:37 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2009
Posts: 11,609
Neurons: 35,013
Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom

My mothers favourite joke:-

A little nun is going through Customs when the official notices a small bottle of liquid:

"What have we got here, Sister?" he asks suspiciously.

"Why 'tis some precious Holy Water from the well of Saint Bridgit" says Sister Angelica.

The customs officer seizes it, unscrews the top, sniffs and then tastes:"Holy water? Why 'tis Whiskey, sister!" he thunders.

"Whiskey, is it?" asked Sister, snatching back the bottle, screwing the top back on and slipping it into her pocket.

"Well isn't that wonderful?. The age of miracles is not yet passed" and off she goes, rejoicing, to rejoin the other nuns.
Ash_Lingua
Posted: Wednesday, March 15, 2017 10:01:29 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 12/19/2014
Posts: 57
Neurons: 250,218
Location: San Francisco, California, United States
my fav:

Job, an old man, goes to synagog and prays: Dear God, I just lost my job. Please help me, let me win the lottery". Job goes home. The next week, Job goes to synagog again. He wails: "Dear God, my house just burned down and we have nowhere to go. Please let me win the lottery". The next week, again Job goes. He begs: "Dear God, we couldn't afford health insurance and now my wife is sick and we can't afford the medicine. Please, I implore you, help me win the lottery". This continues week after week. Finally, on the sixth visit, Job begins to pray: "Dear God...
thunder peals and lightning splits the air. A Voice booms: "Job, for Heaven's sake, buy a goddamn ticket!"
Peter O'Connor - Dundalk
Posted: Wednesday, March 15, 2017 11:28:53 AM

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Joined: 10/20/2014
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Neurons: 413,510
Location: Lismore, Munster, Ireland
" "You buttered the wrong side"." Very good Applause
TMe
Posted: Wednesday, March 15, 2017 12:30:45 PM

Rank: Member

Joined: 1/12/2017
Posts: 157
Neurons: 1,092




Deliberate practice of one hour is worth ten hours of normal practice.
rmberwin
Posted: Wednesday, March 15, 2017 12:47:32 PM

Rank: Member

Joined: 5/30/2012
Posts: 74
Neurons: 337
A Jewish grandmother was on the sidewalk, and a destitute-looking man comes up to her and says, "Lady, I haven't eaten anything in three days!" She replied to him, "Try to force yourself."

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever.
Ashwin Joshi
Posted: Thursday, March 16, 2017 12:41:49 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/3/2016
Posts: 791
Neurons: 59,656
Location: Jandiāla Guru, Punjab, India
I accept it has been posted in another topic of the forum, but it is relevant here too.

A Jewish woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded,
"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren,
and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Pray Pray Pray Pray


Me Gathering Pebbles at the Beach..-Aj
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