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are the tenses correct in this sentence? Options
yummyspringroll
Posted: Wednesday, July 12, 2017 12:39:10 AM

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Joined: 9/25/2016
Posts: 27
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When I left home this morning she was in front of my house waiting for me. Just the day before when I had been taking out my trash as I had left for work I had run into her about to leave as well and she had offered me a ride. She then said "Why don't we go together everyday?" I didn't really give a reply; I enjoyed my solitary walk everyday to my office. It seemed to me that she said that only to be polite anyway. But even with my vague response she risked being late for work and waited for me today. Did she have a crush on me?

I read somewhere that when we're entering flashback in a fiction we use past perfect in the beginning, then we can use simple past for the rest of the flashback period. So, based on that, is the above sentence correct?


It'd be great if you could review the above sentence. Please let me know if there's any mistake other than the tenses too.
Thank you very much~

-__-
FounDit
Posted: Wednesday, July 12, 2017 11:29:28 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 8,144
Neurons: 43,476
yummyspringroll wrote:
When I left home this morning she was in front of my house waiting for me. Just the day before when I had been taking out my trash as I had left for work, I had run ran into her about to leave as well, and she had offered me a ride. She then said "Why don't we go together everyday?" I didn't really give a reply; I enjoyed my solitary walk everyday to my office. It seemed to me that she said that only to be polite anyway. But even with my vague response she risked being late for work and waited for me today. Did she have a crush on me?

I read somewhere that when we're entering flashback in a fiction we use past perfect in the beginning, then we can use simple past for the rest of the flashback period. So, based on that, is the above sentence correct?
Not quite, since you didn't use simple past in a couple of places.

It'd be great if you could review the above sentence. Please let me know if there's any mistake other than the tenses too.
Thank you very much~

Perhaps it's just me, but I thought the phrase, "I ran into her about to leave as well" sounded a bit awkward. I would change it to read, "I ran into her as she was leaving also, and she..."


A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, July 13, 2017 6:56:45 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,242
Neurons: 139,836
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Yes - I can see why (grammatically) it would seem correct to use a string of past perfect clauses. However, that sentence sounds very awkward.

Just the day before when I had been taking out my trash as I had left for work I had run into her about to leave as well and she had offered me a ride.

You could omit a verb or two - you actually have five major verbs in one sentence with no punctuation, which is not a good idea normally.

Just the day before, when I had been taking out my trash on my way to work, I had run into her leaving as well and she had offered me a ride.


I agree that the time-adverbial clause (which I surrounded by commas) can be used to "set the tense" for the whole sentence.

Just the day before, when I had been taking out my trash on my way to work, I ran into her leaving as well and she offered me a ride.



Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
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