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Hope123
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 7:46:15 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 7,142
Neurons: 41,268
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada


World food shortage that threatens five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of one day's warfare.
troy3000
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 10:49:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/25/2009
Posts: 1,878
Neurons: 351,430
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

You deserve to have a good time after a hard day's work.
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2017 3:50:14 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 949
Neurons: 10,014
Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Hotdog guy gives him a loaded dog, Buddhist gives him $10, gets nothing back.
Hotdog vendor explains, "Change comes from within."

What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
Hope123
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2017 10:57:52 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 7,142
Neurons: 41,268
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada


World food shortage that threatens five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of one day's warfare.
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Wednesday, March 15, 2017 6:28:39 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2009
Posts: 39,722
Neurons: 298,047
Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland



In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Thursday, March 16, 2017 8:47:12 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Hope123
Posted: Friday, March 31, 2017 11:55:14 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 7,142
Neurons: 41,268
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Got a chuckle, JJ.

k

World food shortage that threatens five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of one day's warfare.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Friday, March 31, 2017 1:20:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Hope123
Posted: Friday, March 31, 2017 5:33:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 7,142
Neurons: 41,268
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Schlooky, Applause




World food shortage that threatens five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of one day's warfare.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Saturday, April 01, 2017 4:45:01 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
:)




"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Hope123
Posted: Saturday, April 01, 2017 5:47:33 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 7,142
Neurons: 41,268
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Good one, Schlooky.

I don't know about Colorado but in 2018 it will read Canada.



World food shortage that threatens five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of one day's warfare.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, April 02, 2017 12:53:47 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Yeah so I hear :)




"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Hope123
Posted: Sunday, April 02, 2017 8:57:19 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 7,142
Neurons: 41,268
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Sorry - best I could do today - 😀



World food shortage that threatens five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of one day's warfare.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Monday, April 03, 2017 4:37:27 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
:D

Some jokes are more on the lighter side but nevertheless still funny





"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Tuesday, April 04, 2017 5:34:35 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2009
Posts: 39,722
Neurons: 298,047
Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"


In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
Hope123
Posted: Tuesday, April 04, 2017 4:19:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 7,142
Neurons: 41,268
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada


World food shortage that threatens five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of one day's warfare.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Tuesday, April 04, 2017 5:28:27 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 10,929
Neurons: 345,346
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I remember, therefore I am.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Saturday, April 08, 2017 1:32:12 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
black alonso
Posted: Sunday, April 09, 2017 10:29:49 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/21/2015
Posts: 5,500
Neurons: 29,540
Location: Heidelberg, Baden-Wuerttemberg Region, Germany


I rather jump around in the kitchen instead of analyzing.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, April 09, 2017 1:12:57 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, May 05, 2017 6:52:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 949
Neurons: 10,014


What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, May 21, 2017 1:55:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Bedells
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 12:31:46 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/14/2015
Posts: 3,013
Neurons: 521,287
Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.


The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.


This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.


The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.


Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:


"Cindy, you have sinned."
Schlook Inside
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 3:36:37 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Q: What do college students and the Canadiens have in common?
A: They've both finished their year by April.

Q: What do you call 23 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Finals?
A: The Montreal Canadiens.



"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Schlook Inside
Posted: Tuesday, June 20, 2017 2:06:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, July 02, 2017 12:31:58 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
IMcRout
Posted: Wednesday, July 05, 2017 12:43:50 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 34,227
Neurons: 486,886
Location: Lübeck, Schleswig-Holstein, Germany
Found somewhere on the internet:

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved 'I love you, Sally'.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!

Jerry said, “We’ve got to give it back.”

Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?”

Sally said, “No.”

Jerry said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”

Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”

The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him. One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Jerry said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday...”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “Were outta here.”

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. (Anon)
Luker4
Posted: Sunday, September 24, 2017 7:10:58 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 11/19/2013
Posts: 4,168
Neurons: 22,320
Location: Wrocław Pracze, Lower Silesian Voivodeship, Poland
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, September 24, 2017 1:28:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 30,638
Neurons: 1,043,388
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


"Be kind everyone is fighting a hard battle"
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Tuesday, October 31, 2017 8:23:27 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2009
Posts: 39,722
Neurons: 298,047
Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland



In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
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