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Correction lettre de motivation en anglais Options
Posted: Friday, April 25, 2014 11:48:25 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 4/25/2014
Posts: 1
Neurons: 5
Bonjour à tous,

Je suis en train de postuler pour un master, et il m'est demandé de rédiger une lettre de motivation en anglais. Mon niveau à l'écrit n'étant pas du tout exceptionnel, j'aimerais une petite correction avant de l'envoyer.

Voici le texte :

In few month, I’m going to finish my bachelor’s degree, so, I’m looking for a master degree.
I could integrate the master degree in cognitive sciences of Lyon, but I need to discover and go into new domain in depth. If I was lucky to be accepted in your license degree, I will be very exciting by this challenge. I’m a passionate person and I invested at the most into the tasks which I begin, that is why I know that would not fail these two years. Furthermore I enjoy to learn new things, that’s why I prefer the difficulty of a new master: I want to make my own way.
My school career permit me to acquire a lot of knowledge and some skills in computer sciences, particularly in neural network and in establishment of pattern. I learned the programming in the processing language and I realized an object-oriented project. Moreover, to complete my knowledge, I have completed (on COURSERA) the course introduction to programming in java and I actually follow the courses entitled introduction to object oriented programming in java, machine learning of university of Standford and neural network for machine learning of university of Toronto. I also plan to follow courses to learn C++.
The bachelor’s degree in cognitive sciences brought me a large general culture in different domains like neurosciences, cognitive psychology, psychobiology, neuropsychology, cognitive ethology, web and cognitive ergonomics. This multidisciplinary approach allowed me to acquire an open-mindedness which seems very important to solve different problems. Besides, I’m able to discuss with actors from different backgrounds. I think this ability is very helpful in machine learning which is at the crossroads of a lot of fields of study.
After my master degree, I would like accomplish a thesis binder machine learning, data mining and cognitive sciences. I’m passionate by artificial intelligence and data processing, I’m very curious to learn more about how to implement some learning ability in robots as Icub. Actually I’m very interested in construction of curiosity in robots so that they can discover and learn about the world through trail and error approach.
However, I want ton reflect on my project until the second year of the master because I have many things to discover, so it’s likely to change.
Best regards,

Merci pour votre aide :-)
Posted: Tuesday, April 29, 2014 4:22:22 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/11/2009
Posts: 409
Neurons: 1,529
Bonjour Kahben,
Après un rapide coup d'œil à votre lettre de candidature, je pense qu'il y a effectivement trop d'erreurs pour qu'il soit possible de vous aider ici. Peut-être devriez-vous demander de l'aide au département d'anglais de votre fac (aux étudiants ou aux chargés de TD).
Un solide toilettage un bon dictionnaire en main (pas Google Translate, mais par exemple le Robert et Collins) peut vous aider grandement : vous y trouverez par exemple immédiatement l'indication que l'adjectif "passionate" ne peut pas se construire avec "by".
Par ailleurs, abandonnez les contractions dans les formes verbales, c'est beaucoup trop familier.
Bon courage.
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