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encounter at the library [Offensive language!!!] Options
offroad
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 3:34:19 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/23/2010
Posts: 127
Neurons: 376
Dear teachers



Does the quoted piece of story bellow read well?

Quote:


Yesterday night I was wondering where an ex girlfriend could be...
I searched her on facebook and found nothing.
I knew she had got married, had a boob job etc
Today destiny brought her to the library... she didn't recognise me
In fact, 10 years ago I was very skinny
Bottom line, I stared at her and the guy she was with saw the whole thing.
I got the hell out of there
The book I was reading, in English, suddenly turned into German...
So my presence there was pointless...


Thanks
RuthP
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 8:04:06 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/2/2009
Posts: 5,414
Neurons: 87,603
Location: Drain, Oregon, United States
offroad wrote:
Dear teachers



Does the quoted piece of story bellow read well?

Quote:


Last night I was wondering where an ex-girlfriend could be.
I searched for her on facebook and found nothing.
I knew she had married, had had a boob job, etc
Today destiny brought her to the library. She didn't recognise me.
In fact, ten years ago I was very skinny.
Bottom line, I stared at her and the guy she was with saw the whole thing.
I got the hell out of there.
The book I was reading, in English, suddenly turned into German...
So my presence there was pointless.


Thanks

We don't use "yesterday night" in English. This is probably because the "day" of yesterday sounds odd teamed with "night". We will use yesterday morning, yesterday afternoon, sometimes yesterday evening, but night (and often evening) are last night (or last evening).

Usually, "ex" does not sit out by itself. It either attaches directly to the word or it is hyphenated to the word. In this case, hyphenate.

Ellipses (. . .) are overused. Unless the thought is trailing-off without completion, the sentence should end. I would put a period (.) here. The ellipse may be used; it is an accepted device, but overused. I left the one in the sentence about the book in English turning to German. Somehow, that seemed not literal, and the ellipse emphasizes that.

It would be OK to say " . . . she had got(ten) married, had had a boob job . . . " if the author prefers that. The tense needs to be the same in both phrases of the sentence, so some form of "had verb" is needed for both.

A comma (,) is needed before "etc.", because "etc." is the last element of a list. In this case, the list is very short, with only two items. Use of "etc." sounds like the writer simply couldn't think of another item for the list rather than that there are so many items the writer does not want to use-up more space. I would either add another couple of items to the list before using "etc." or I would drop the "etc." and leave the list at the marriage and the boob job.

"Today destiny brought her to the library." (Purists would say you need a comma after "Today,") This is a complete sentence. I put a period and capitalized the first word of the next sentence. If the two sentences are very closely related (I don't think that is true, in this case), a semicolon (;) could be used. No capital letter is used after a semicolon.

A period is needed at the end of a sentence.

Numbers ten and under in magazines and newspapers and numbers one hundred and under in books are written as words.

A period is needed at the end of the sentence.

A period is needed at the end of the sentence.

A period is needed at the end of the sentence. Frankly, I like the book turning into German as an ending, better. I would not include the last sentence, but that is a matter of my preference, which may not coincide with the author's (as with the ellipses and the "etc.", earlier).
offroad
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 8:05:39 AM

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Joined: 8/23/2010
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Neurons: 376
thanks
dadi5006
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 8:08:03 AM

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Joined: 10/3/2011
Posts: 96
Location: Ankara,Turkey
Very good correction. I will also take advantage of these corrections.
offroad
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 8:13:03 AM

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Joined: 8/23/2010
Posts: 127
Neurons: 376
Although I don't fully agree with it (regarding 'Yesterday night'), I think it was a great correction, very informative!Boo hoo!
dadi5006
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 9:34:11 AM

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Joined: 10/3/2011
Posts: 96
Location: Ankara,Turkey
offroad wrote:
Although I don't fully agree with it (regarding 'Yesterday night'), I think it was a great correction, very informative!Boo hoo!



As I learnt from my English teachers, instead of "yesterday night", the use of "last night" is more in use.
RuthP
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 10:22:58 AM

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Location: Drain, Oregon, United States
dadi5006 is right. If we use 'yesterday' and 'night' at the same time, we add a preposition:

"Yesterday, at night, I cleaned-out the refrigerator."

It is not a very elegant way of saying "last night", but it is reasonably common in everyday speech.
Romany
Posted: Friday, October 28, 2011 5:59:55 AM
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Posts: 15,380
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Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom
I've been hellishly busy lately so I couldn't comment at the time and was thinking, in any case, that someone else would.

However, my curiosity has got the better of me and I simply have to ask, Offroad, what on earth the bracketed "Offensive language!!!" meant at the end of your topic? What was it that you wrote that you could possibly think warranted not only the warning, but the three exclamation points?

I have now read and re-read your post and can see no reason such a blameless text could warrant such a dire warning. My reason for asking is that often language learners have tricks played upon them and people tell them either that a perfectly innocent word is completely tabboo, or that a word that really is one to which some people might object is acceptable.

Please cite the words from which you think we would all recoil in horror. (You can whisper, if you like)
kitten
Posted: Friday, October 28, 2011 3:58:20 PM

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Joined: 12/28/2009
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Location: the city by the bay
I assumed Think it was because he used 'boob' instead of breast enlargement or enhancement. I like the original wording for this poem.

peace out, >^,,^<


The poor object to being governed badly, whilst the rich object to being governed at all. G.K. Chesterton
offroad
Posted: Friday, October 28, 2011 4:26:32 PM

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Joined: 8/23/2010
Posts: 127
Neurons: 376
kitten wrote:
I assumed Think it was because he used 'boob' instead of breast enlargement or enhancement. I like the original wording for this poem.

peace out, >^,,^<


exactly, 'boob job' and 'the hell'. Some people find it offensive.
excaelis
Posted: Friday, October 28, 2011 4:42:04 PM

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Joined: 6/30/2010
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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
You can always go with " h-e-double-hockey-sticks ", but it tends to play merry hob with the meter.

Speaking of BJ's ( boob-jobs, you smutty bears !) several years ago three of my servers got enhanced at pretty much the same time. One of my regulars, surveying the landscape, pithily remarked " Cool ! Thoracic Park !"

Offensive boob job joke :

Wife : I need bigger boobs.I want a boob job.

Husband ( handing her a roll of toilet paper ): Just rub them with this.

Wife : What good's that gonna do ?

Husband : Well, it seems to have worked on your ass !

Sanity is not statistical
offroad
Posted: Friday, October 28, 2011 5:38:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/23/2010
Posts: 127
Neurons: 376
excaelis wrote:
You can always go with " h-e-double-hockey-sticks ", but it tends to play merry hob with the meter.

Speaking of BJ's ( boob-jobs, you smutty bears !) several years ago three of my servers got enhanced at pretty much the same time. One of my regulars, surveying the landscape, pithily remarked " Cool ! Thoracic Park !"

Offensive boob job joke :

Wife : I need bigger boobs.I want a boob job.

Husband ( handing her a roll of toilet paper ): Just rub them with this.

Wife : What good's that gonna do ?

Husband : Well, it seems to have worked on your ass !


That is funny Dancing Dancing
Romany
Posted: Saturday, October 29, 2011 11:15:31 AM
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Joined: 6/14/2009
Posts: 15,380
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Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom
Oh.

Offroad - the only way the word 'boob' or 'boobs' could be 'offensive' is if one is a thorough pedant and finds slang itself offensive. In that ase however, the lists of words that would be found offensive by such a person would be so long one would have to apologise every time one opened one's mouth! Personally, I love the word - it sounds rather cute to me. Unlike that monstrous word 'bosom' which I find cumbersome, unmusical and puts me in mind of of Dowager Duchesses carrying all before them.

The word 'hell' isn't offensive either: for those who believe in its existence its a word which frequently rolls off the tongue used in dire warnings, and for those who don't believe in it it's about as offensive as the word fairy, I should imagine.

Language warnings, which appear on CD or movies covers refer to rather tougher fare than these - though even they are much more acceptable than they once were.

While I'm sure we appreciate the care for our sensibilities please don't be concerned about the usage of such terms - and, from a point of view of grammar, I should save those exclamation marks: they rather lead one to expect you are going to let loose with a stream of the rather repetitious and boring couple of of words which seem to feature as the basis for a certain kind of Rap lyric.
excaelis
Posted: Saturday, October 29, 2011 5:23:37 PM

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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
What else could I have inserted here ?

George Carlin

Sanity is not statistical
jmacann
Posted: Saturday, October 29, 2011 7:10:40 PM
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Joined: 2/20/2011
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Location: Spain
That was twice as good a job.
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