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anton exobio
Posted: Saturday, September 28, 2019 11:57:40 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 17,638
Neurons: 58,780
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
Units matter...



A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

"Ten", the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

"Nine..."


"I got a haircut and no one noticed." - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
Schlook Inside
Posted: Thursday, October 3, 2019 3:26:16 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 37,063
Neurons: 1,412,834
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
anton exobio
Posted: Saturday, October 5, 2019 12:47:49 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 17,638
Neurons: 58,780
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France


"I got a haircut and no one noticed." - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Monday, October 21, 2019 11:07:55 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,388
Neurons: 90,705
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
anton exobio wrote:
Units matter...



A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

"Ten", the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

"Nine..."



d'oh! Shhh Angel Angel Angel

"...hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour"
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Wednesday, November 6, 2019 12:43:13 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,343
Neurons: 13,343
An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."

What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, November 10, 2019 3:04:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 37,063
Neurons: 1,412,834
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Tuesday, November 12, 2019 9:56:46 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,343
Neurons: 13,343
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question
and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."








































































































What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, November 22, 2019 6:29:51 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,343
Neurons: 13,343
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "
I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount.
If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499.
Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office
and finds out that it costs one dollar per word.
She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.
Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"
The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
anton exobio
Posted: Sunday, November 24, 2019 12:16:11 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 17,638
Neurons: 58,780
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

"I got a haircut and no one noticed." - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
Schlook Inside
Posted: Monday, November 25, 2019 1:31:46 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 37,063
Neurons: 1,412,834
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Monday, November 25, 2019 12:25:31 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,343
Neurons: 13,343
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful,
so they decided to go to the doctor.
The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.
They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream.
"You might want to write it down," she said.
The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream."
She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.
"Write it down," she told him,
and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream."
Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
"Write it down," she told her husband
and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes.
He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon.
The old wife stares at the plate for a moment,
then looks at her husband and asks,
"Where's the toast?"

What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Monday, December 2, 2019 10:30:33 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,343
Neurons: 13,343


What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 1:08:53 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,343
Neurons: 13,343
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"



What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 1:18:10 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,343
Neurons: 13,343
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples,
"Only take one. God is watching."
Further down the line is a pile of cookies.
A little boy makes his own note,
"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
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