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The sparrow who lays golden eggs Options
nightdream
Posted: Monday, August 12, 2019 12:03:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 936
Neurons: 2,758
Please, enjoy reading. I will be glad to read your comments. I might miss some things that will srike an eye.


Once upon a time there lived an old man and an old woman who served a khan *, they had two sons.
They were poor and fed on bozo * which they used to take from the khan.
Once the boys ran playing together and found a grey sparrow at the foot of the hill. They took him home and put him into their chest. The next morning they opened the chest: the sparrow laid a lot of golden eggs. They took the gold and put the sparrow back and locked him.
The old man with the old woman made their living out of selling the gold.
The khan came to the old man:
- Why have you stopped taking bozo and food from us? – He said. The old man said,
- Our chest is full of gold. We have found the sparrow who lays golden eggs.
- Give all the gold to me, boil the sparrow for me! - The khan ordered and left.
The old man laughed to his face and wept behind his back * and brought his gold to the khan. Having stroked and caressed the sparrow, the old woman boiled him in a boiler, crying at him. The boys ran in while she was boiling the sparrow. One of the boys opened the chest - the sparrow was not there, the other boy raised the boiler’s lid - the sparrow was boiled.
- Mother, mother, what have you done, why have you boiled my sparrow? Poor, poor my sparrow! - The boys cried.
- Poor my boys, we have received the cruel order from the khan and I could not do otherwise than boil him. – Their mother said.
They were sorry for their sparrow and cried much, there was nothing they could do and the elder brother ate the head of the sparrow, the younger one ate the right wing of the sparrow. It proved to be that anyone who ate the head of the sparrow would become a khan to govern the country and anyone who ate the wing of the sparrow would belch gold.
The boys ate up and went away.
Soon the khan came and wanted to eat the sparrow. He looked into the boiler.
- Old woman, where are the head that makes a khan of anyone and the wing that causes anyone to belch gold? – He said.
- I do not know - The old woman said.
The khan killed the old man and the old woman and went, looking for the boys. The boys learnt that the khan was looking for them and hid under the skirt of the khan’s washerwoman. The khan looked for the boys for a long time but could not find them.
The night fell, the washerwoman of the khan gave them big ball-shaped butter * and two strings of curd cakes * and handed in canes to both of them,
- It is dangerous for you to be here, the khan will kill you if he finds you.
The boys were on their way and went till dawn came. They went, calling each other not to lose one another.
They covered a long distance, pitched at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn. They slept for a long time, and when they awoke, they saw three heroes on the top of the hill. They noticed the boys too. They came down the hill and told:
- We have been going by the khan’s order and carrying three magic things to him. One of us has found a sharp steel sword which delivers anyone to any place that he wants by a stroke of his hand, the second one has found a black magic cap which makes anyone invisible to people by putting it on, and the third one has found a yellow fleecy carpet which is filled with all viands and fruits by spreading it out. Which of the three magic things will the khan like more than the others? Which of us will the khan thank more than the others? – They asked to judge them.
The boys said:
- Run to the poplar that you see in the distance and run back, competing. The one who finished running first would gain the khan’s favour. – They said.
The heroes started running, competing with each other. The boys took the black magic cap, the yellow fleecy carpet and took out the sharp steel sword: the boys found themselves in a very far land with mountains, water and thick grass. They landed near a straw house. As they entered the house, they saw an old man and an old woman like their parents were. The elder brother became a khan of the country; the younger one became a son of the old man and the old woman. The country acquired a clever, wise khan and became rich in gold and money and three magic things, and lived happily.





Bozo * - the name of sediment of a beverage called arza *. Kalmyks made a beverage of koumiss (fermented mare’s milk), it was called arza. They took two boilers of cast iron with a slightly arched long wooden tube between the boilers which was inserted into their holes and pour three - four pails of koumiss into a that boiler which was bigger than the second one, it was above a trivet * - a big three - cornered boiler. The second boiler was empty and was in a trough with cool water. A fire was made in a trivet with kizyak * - cow pats dried in the sun. The boilers were covered with their lids not to access air and people boiled the milk in the first boiler keeping it above a trivet for an hour and half or two hours and the mare milk was stilled from one boiler into another boiler through the tube, drops of steam penetrated into the empty boiler through the tube and then three - four bottles of a transparent beverage became. It was a strong beverage and made someone drunk. If anyone wanted to make the beverage stronger, he should boil it longer, it became stronger, but its volume was less and, on the contrary, if anyone wanted to make it softer, he should boil it shorter and its volume was more. The sediment in the first boiler had white colour and its volume was much more than the beverage’s. It was called bozo.
To laugh to somebody’s face and weep behind somebody’s back * - the expression indicates the character of Kalmyk people, keeping in their feelings, not to show their despair, fear or another bad feelings because to express them was an unbeautiful manner of behavior.
A khan * - a Kalmyk king.
Big ball-shaped butter *- Kalmyks made butter of cow’s milk and only in the shape of a big ball.
A string of curd cakes *- Kalmyks made flat cakes of dried curds and string them.




nightdream
Posted: Monday, August 12, 2019 12:59:48 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 936
Neurons: 2,758
Is it "possible" to use "they pitched at the foot of the hill" or is it better to use "they set at the foot of the hill"?


nightdream wrote:
Please, enjoy reading. I will be glad to read your comments. I might miss some things that will srike an eye.


Once upon a time there lived an old man and an old woman who served a khan *, they had two sons.
They were poor and fed on bozo * which they used to take from the khan.
Once the boys ran playing together and found a grey sparrow at the foot of the hill. They took him home and put him into their chest. The next morning they opened the chest: the sparrow laid a lot of golden eggs. They took the gold and put the sparrow back and locked him.
The old man with the old woman made their living out of selling the gold.
The khan came to the old man:
- Why have you stopped taking bozo and food from us? – He said. The old man said,
- Our chest is full of gold. We have found the sparrow who lays golden eggs.
- Give all the gold to me, boil the sparrow for me! - The khan ordered and left.
The old man laughed to his face and wept behind his back * and brought his gold to the khan. Having stroked and caressed the sparrow, the old woman boiled him in a boiler, crying at him. The boys ran in while she was boiling the sparrow. One of the boys opened the chest - the sparrow was not there, the other boy raised the boiler’s lid - the sparrow was boiled.
- Mother, mother, what have you done, why have you boiled my sparrow? Poor, poor my sparrow! - The boys cried.
- Poor my boys, we have received the cruel order from the khan and I could not do otherwise than boil him. – Their mother said.
They were sorry for their sparrow and cried much, there was nothing they could do and the elder brother ate the head of the sparrow, the younger one ate the right wing of the sparrow. It proved to be that anyone who ate the head of the sparrow would become a khan to govern the country and anyone who ate the wing of the sparrow would belch gold.
The boys ate up and went away.
Soon the khan came and wanted to eat the sparrow. He looked into the boiler.
- Old woman, where are the head that makes a khan of anyone and the wing that causes anyone to belch gold? – He said.
- I do not know - The old woman said.
The khan killed the old man and the old woman and went, looking for the boys. The boys learnt that the khan was looking for them and hid under the skirt of the khan’s washerwoman. The khan looked for the boys for a long time but could not find them.
The night fell, the washerwoman of the khan gave them big ball-shaped butter * and two strings of curd cakes * and handed in canes to both of them,
- It is dangerous for you to be here, the khan will kill you if he finds you.
The boys were on their way and went till dawn came. They went, calling each other not to lose one another.
They covered a long distance, pitched at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn. They slept for a long time, and when they awoke, they saw three heroes on the top of the hill. They noticed the boys too. They came down the hill and told:
- We have been going by the khan’s order and carrying three magic things to him. One of us has found a sharp steel sword which delivers anyone to any place that he wants by a stroke of his hand, the second one has found a black magic cap which makes anyone invisible to people by putting it on, and the third one has found a yellow fleecy carpet which is filled with all viands and fruits by spreading it out. Which of the three magic things will the khan like more than the others? Which of us will the khan thank more than the others? – They asked to judge them.
The boys said:
- Run to the poplar that you see in the distance and run back, competing. The one who finished running first would gain the khan’s favour. – They said.
The heroes started running, competing with each other. The boys took the black magic cap, the yellow fleecy carpet and took out the sharp steel sword: the boys found themselves in a very far land with mountains, water and thick grass. They landed near a straw house. As they entered the house, they saw an old man and an old woman like their parents were. The elder brother became a khan of the country; the younger one became a son of the old man and the old woman. The country acquired a clever, wise khan and became rich in gold and money and three magic things, and lived happily.





Bozo * - the name of sediment of a beverage called arza *. Kalmyks made a beverage of koumiss (fermented mare’s milk), it was called arza. They took two boilers of cast iron with a slightly arched long wooden tube between the boilers which was inserted into their holes and pour three - four pails of koumiss into a that boiler which was bigger than the second one, it was above a trivet * - a big three - cornered boiler. The second boiler was empty and was in a trough with cool water. A fire was made in a trivet with kizyak * - cow pats dried in the sun. The boilers were covered with their lids not to access air and people boiled the milk in the first boiler keeping it above a trivet for an hour and half or two hours and the mare milk was stilled from one boiler into another boiler through the tube, drops of steam penetrated into the empty boiler through the tube and then three - four bottles of a transparent beverage became. It was a strong beverage and made someone drunk. If anyone wanted to make the beverage stronger, he should boil it longer, it became stronger, but its volume was less and, on the contrary, if anyone wanted to make it softer, he should boil it shorter and its volume was more. The sediment in the first boiler had white colour and its volume was much more than the beverage’s. It was called bozo.
To laugh to somebody’s face and weep behind somebody’s back * - the expression indicates the character of Kalmyk people, keeping in their feelings, not to show their despair, fear or another bad feelings because to express them was an unbeautiful manner of behavior.
A khan * - a Kalmyk king.
Big ball-shaped butter *- Kalmyks made butter of cow’s milk and only in the shape of a big ball.
A string of curd cakes *- Kalmyks made flat cakes of dried curds and string them.




taurine
Posted: Monday, August 12, 2019 6:57:15 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/20/2016
Posts: 1,877
Neurons: 129,164
Location: South Dublin, Ireland
I think that the first option can be more than acceptable, only. It seems to me that it suits here as in the context there are references to the nomadic lifestyle,there. When I was a child I like reading the stories about Hodja Nasreddin (I probably wrote it wrong but you perhaps understand who I am thinking about.) I like the story written by you. I even found it mildly surprising that my suspicions regarding "bozo" eventually were confirmed on discovery your explanatory note.
nightdream
Posted: Monday, August 12, 2019 8:21:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 936
Neurons: 2,758
Thank you, taurine! I am very glad to read your comments.


taurine wrote:
I think that the first option can be more than acceptable, only. It seems to me that it suits here as in the context there are references to the nomadic lifestyle,there. When I was a child I like reading the stories about Hodja Nasreddin (I probably wrote it wrong but you perhaps understand who I am thinking about.) I like the story written by you. I even found it mildly surprising that my suspicions regarding "bozo" eventually were confirmed on discovery your explanatory note.
palapaguy
Posted: Monday, August 12, 2019 11:20:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/28/2013
Posts: 1,754
Neurons: 13,780
Location: Calabasas, California, United States
This is the WRONG FORUM as BobShilling posted very clearly yesterday:

"If you want us to correct any mistakes in the language, then say so. This is a GRAMMAR forum.

If you have just posted it for those of us who might be interested, then this is the wrong forum."
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Tuesday, August 13, 2019 3:23:24 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 33,174
Neurons: 208,218
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hi!
This is not bad at all - but there are a few points.

They took the gold and put the sparrow back and locked him.
Grammatically, this has the wrong object.
They did not lock the bird. They locked the chest - or they locked the lid of the chest.
There is a phrasal verb "lock in" which would work.
They took the gold and put the sparrow back and locked him in.
They took the gold and put the sparrow back and locked the chest.


**************
"crying at him" doesn't work. "At" has two main meanings (and a few which are connected to those) - "in a position" or "aimed towards - as a target".

Position:
He was at the bank.
She stood at the corner.
They met at the railway-station.

Target:
He threw the stone at the fox.
She shouted at her son when he was naughty.
Never point a gun at anyone, even if it's not loaded.

You could say "crying for him" - but probably just "crying" is enough.

***************
The sequence of adjectives is incorrect in a couple of places.
If you have a descriptive adjective and a possessive, the possessive comes first.
"my poor, poor sparrow" not "poor, poor, my sparrow".

*****************
The boys were on their way and went till dawn came.
I have mentioned this in an earlier story. "were on their way" (or "was on my way" etc) cannot be used without mentioning WHERE they were going.
It is possible that it is mentioned in a previous sentence, but usually it comes after.
They were on their way home.
They were on their way to the mountain.
I'm going to work today - I was on my way when I met you.


The only time it is used without a 'goal' is "went on their way" - usually meaning "continued on the route/road they had been on before", but sometimes just means "went away".

In your story, the meaning is "set out" - "started travelling" so that would work.

The boys went on their way and went till dawn came. - However, this repeats "went", so it's better to use a different phrase:
The boys set off and went on till dawn came.

*************
"Pitch" it a transitive verb - it has to have an object.
You can pitch a tent at the foot of the hill or pitch camp at the foot of the hill.
"Set up camp" can be used too. They are all good.

*********
"Viands" is very old fashioned - many people wouldn't know the word.

That's all I can see for now.
nightdream
Posted: Tuesday, August 13, 2019 11:13:49 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 936
Neurons: 2,758

Thank you very much! Repeating the same things is a specific feature of southerners.

As to "pitched" there is no information in the original sentence that they pitched a tent, so they just "pitched" without any tent - is it acceptable or shall I replace it by "set"?


Drag0nspeaker wrote:
Hi!
This is not bad at all - but there are a few points.

They took the gold and put the sparrow back and locked him.
Grammatically, this has the wrong object.
They did not lock the bird. They locked the chest - or they locked the lid of the chest.
There is a phrasal verb "lock in" which would work.
They took the gold and put the sparrow back and locked him in.
They took the gold and put the sparrow back and locked the chest.


**************
"crying at him" doesn't work. "At" has two main meanings (and a few which are connected to those) - "in a position" or "aimed towards - as a target".

Position:
He was at the bank.
She stood at the corner.
They met at the railway-station.

Target:
He threw the stone at the fox.
She shouted at her son when he was naughty.
Never point a gun at anyone, even if it's not loaded.

You could say "crying for him" - but probably just "crying" is enough.

***************
The sequence of adjectives is incorrect in a couple of places.
If you have a descriptive adjective and a possessive, the possessive comes first.
"my poor, poor sparrow" not "poor, poor, my sparrow".

*****************
The boys were on their way and went till dawn came.
I have mentioned this in an earlier story. "were on their way" (or "was on my way" etc) cannot be used without mentioning WHERE they were going.
It is possible that it is mentioned in a previous sentence, but usually it comes after.
They were on their way home.
They were on their way to the mountain.
I'm going to work today - I was on my way when I met you.


The only time it is used without a 'goal' is "went on their way" - usually meaning "continued on the route/road they had been on before", but sometimes just means "went away".

In your story, the meaning is "set out" - "started travelling" so that would work.

The boys went on their way and went till dawn came. - However, this repeats "went", so it's better to use a different phrase:
The boys set off and went on till dawn came.

*************
"Pitch" it a transitive verb - it has to have an object.
You can pitch a tent at the foot of the hill or pitch camp at the foot of the hill.
"Set up camp" can be used too. They are all good.

*********
"Viands" is very old fashioned - many people wouldn't know the word.

That's all I can see for now.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, August 14, 2019 5:38:38 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 33,174
Neurons: 208,218
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Ah! You have a "north/south split" there, too, do you?

Both "pitch" and "set" are transitive - in this meaning.
You "pitch" or "set up" camp or a tent or you can set up a base.

The word I can think of which would fit is just "camped" or "camped down" or "camped out", which need no object.

They covered a long distance, camped at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.
They covered a long distance, camped down at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.
They covered a long distance, camped out at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.


"Camp" is broad and general - it can even mean something like staying in a temporary bed made up of a mattresses on the floor of someone's house - just "set up something temporary to sleep in" idea.
"Camp down" seems to have the implication of improvisation (not a planned holiday with a tent, cooker, TV, Fridge etc.)
"Camp out" is a temporary holiday in a tent or similar.
nightdream
Posted: Wednesday, August 14, 2019 6:10:16 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 936
Neurons: 2,758
Thank you.

Yes, southerners tend to repeat the same things a lot of times, and notherners are considered to be concise.

DragOnspeaker, could you read the folktale named "The orphaned girl who lived at her stepmother's" when you have free time?


Drag0nspeaker wrote:
Ah! You have a "north/south split" there, too, do you?

Both "pitch" and "set" are transitive - in this meaning.
You "pitch" or "set up" camp or a tent or you can set up a base.

The word I can think of which would fit is just "camped" or "camped down" or "camped out", which need no object.

They covered a long distance, camped at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.
They covered a long distance, camped down at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.
They covered a long distance, camped out at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.


"Camp" is broad and general - it can even mean something like staying in a temporary bed made up of a mattresses on the floor of someone's house - just "set up something temporary to sleep in" idea.
"Camp down" seems to have the implication of improvisation (not a planned holiday with a tent, cooker, TV, Fridge etc.)
"Camp out" is a temporary holiday in a tent or similar.
nightdream
Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 5:20:41 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 936
Neurons: 2,758

I have thought it over and I think that "They stopped at the foot of the hill" suits. Am I right?


Drag0nspeaker wrote:
Ah! You have a "north/south split" there, too, do you?

Both "pitch" and "set" are transitive - in this meaning.
You "pitch" or "set up" camp or a tent or you can set up a base.

The word I can think of which would fit is just "camped" or "camped down" or "camped out", which need no object.

They covered a long distance, camped at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.
They covered a long distance, camped down at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.
They covered a long distance, camped out at the foot of the hill and fell asleep at the dawn.


"Camp" is broad and general - it can even mean something like staying in a temporary bed made up of a mattresses on the floor of someone's house - just "set up something temporary to sleep in" idea.
"Camp down" seems to have the implication of improvisation (not a planned holiday with a tent, cooker, TV, Fridge etc.)
"Camp out" is a temporary holiday in a tent or similar.
nightdream
Posted: Tuesday, August 20, 2019 4:15:44 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 936
Neurons: 2,758
Can anybody answer does the word "stopped" suit and acceptable in the phrase "They covered a long distance, stopped at the foot of the hill"?
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Tuesday, August 20, 2019 4:52:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 33,174
Neurons: 208,218
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hi!
I've finally made time and internet connection meet! I now have no internet connection where I normally have time to relax.

Yes - "stopped" seems good.
In that one little sentence, I would probably use "and" instead of the comma.
Or possibly use "comma then".

"They covered a long distance and stopped at the foot of the hill"
"They covered a long distance, then stopped at the foot of the hill"
nightdream
Posted: Tuesday, August 20, 2019 7:00:50 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 936
Neurons: 2,758
Oh, DragOnspeaker, I am so glad that you have visited the site again!


Drag0nspeaker wrote:
Hi!
I've finally made time and internet connection meet! I now have no internet connection where I normally have time to relax.

Yes - "stopped" seems good.
In that one little sentence, I would probably use "and" instead of the comma.
Or possibly use "comma then".

"They covered a long distance and stopped at the foot of the hill"
"They covered a long distance, then stopped at the foot of the hill"
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