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Schlook Inside
Posted: Tuesday, March 13, 2018 1:40:17 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2018 3:59:07 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
My psychiatrist told me to write letters to people I hate,then burn them.
Its done.
Now what do I do with the letters.

“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
jeans&sneakers
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2018 8:07:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/13/2011
Posts: 2,723
Neurons: 8,472
Location: Cavite, Calabarzon, Philippines

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. What does it tell you, Holmes?

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idi*t. Someone has stolen our tent!"


At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. Plato
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Saturday, April 14, 2018 4:32:54 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 12,248
Neurons: 519,158
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
The wife nagged her husband into taking her mother with them on a safari holiday. They woke up one morning to find a lion had cornered the mother. "What shall we do!", Yelled the wife. "Nothing", said the husband. "The lion got himself into this mess..."

I remember, therefore I am.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, April 15, 2018 12:13:24 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, April 15, 2018 12:21:15 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
Hope123
Posted: Thursday, June 28, 2018 3:28:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 8,781
Neurons: 50,320
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
One day in science class

The 8th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,
"Which human body part increases to 7 times its normal size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said,
"You should not be asking 8th graders a question like that!
I'm going to tell my parents,
And they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again,
"Which body part increases to 7 times its normal size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her,
"Boy is she gonna get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Kevin stood up, looked around nervously, and said,
The body part that increases 7 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Kevin," then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

(1) you have a dirty mind,
(2) you didn't read your homework ; and
(3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed





"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons." Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Sunday, July 1, 2018 1:29:50 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 12,248
Neurons: 519,158
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
tootsie wrote:


And even more hilarious, there are adults who don't know that penguins once could fly and that the
Antarctic wasn't always where it is now.

I remember, therefore I am.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, July 1, 2018 2:29:19 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada







“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
Hope123
Posted: Monday, July 9, 2018 10:09:33 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 8,781
Neurons: 50,320
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada




"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons." Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
Schlook Inside
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 12:44:15 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, July 19, 2018 6:36:14 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 32,953
Neurons: 204,431
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Schlook Inside
Posted: Friday, July 20, 2018 8:21:31 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
Hope123
Posted: Saturday, July 28, 2018 9:44:19 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 8,781
Neurons: 50,320
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
(Copied as is from email.)

Are you as moral as you think you are ?

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.

By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision

Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest !

THE SITUATION :

You are in Florida, Miami, to be specific

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.

THE TEST :

Suddenly you see a man in the water

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris

You move closer.

Somehow the man looks familiar

You suddenly realize who it is !

It's Donald J. Trump !

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever

YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS :

You can save the life of Donald Trump or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful republican men bent on hell

THE QUESTION :

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer

"Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white ?"

"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons." Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, July 29, 2018 1:05:25 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Tuesday, August 28, 2018 10:35:32 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 12,248
Neurons: 519,158
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
For her 90th birthday Mama's three wealthy sons decided to give her special presents. The first gave her a large house; the second gave her a luxury car and the third gave her a parrot. It was a rather special parrot. He had taught it to recite the entire Old Testament perfectly because Mama's eyesight was failing. Mama would only need to say, for example, 'Genesis' and Polly would speak every word of the book. It had taken a whole year to train it do this marvellous thing.
Soon after her birthday Mama told her three sons what she thought of the presents. The house was too big and she had to spend all her time cleaning it. She had no time to go out in the car for cleaning the house. But the Parrot? "Ah, my son, you always know exactly what I want. The chicken was so tasty".

I remember, therefore I am.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Tuesday, September 11, 2018 8:34:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, September 12, 2018 12:39:37 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 32,953
Neurons: 204,431
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
I went to the doctor and told the nurse that I was having trouble with my tennis elbow.She sympathised and said "How many years have you had this trouble, darlin'?"

I said "Fifteen, Love."

Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, September 16, 2018 12:03:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Thursday, November 15, 2018 5:38:29 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2009
Posts: 43,029
Neurons: 506,178
Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland



In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Saturday, January 26, 2019 12:00:35 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,230
Neurons: 12,860


What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Saturday, January 26, 2019 12:09:23 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 32,953
Neurons: 204,431
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Applause Applause Applause Applause


Ceilidh tonight after work!Dancing Dancing



Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2019 4:30:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2009
Posts: 43,029
Neurons: 506,178
Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

"Get outta here!" shouts the bartender. "We don't serve your type."


In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Wednesday, May 15, 2019 3:56:41 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, May 17, 2019 9:39:40 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,230
Neurons: 12,860


What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
anton exobio
Posted: Wednesday, May 22, 2019 2:40:26 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 16,636
Neurons: 55,408
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important Science conference. On the way there, he tells his driver, who looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of your conferences and even though I don't know anything about Science, I could give the conference in your place."


"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"


So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.


But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So that scientist stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.


The driver looks at that scientist, dead in the eye, and says:

"Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."

"I got a haircut and no one noticed." - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Sunday, June 23, 2019 10:10:46 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,230
Neurons: 12,860
Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?

Mikey.

Mikey who?

Mikey isn’t working, can you let me in?

What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Wednesday, July 3, 2019 12:32:28 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,230
Neurons: 12,860


What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
Schlook Inside
Posted: Wednesday, July 17, 2019 4:37:32 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 36,346
Neurons: 1,398,538
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada


“The lion doesn’t turn around when the small dog barks.” – African Proverb.
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, July 19, 2019 10:05:07 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,230
Neurons: 12,860


What should be shall be-The fellowship of the ring-
Hope123
Posted: Sunday, August 4, 2019 9:47:46 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 8,781
Neurons: 50,320
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada


I think JJ likes beer?



"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons." Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
anton exobio
Posted: Saturday, August 17, 2019 11:44:31 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 16,636
Neurons: 55,408
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.

The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."

The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out the door.

So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading "Panda". It reads:

"Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves."

"I got a haircut and no one noticed." - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
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