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Amybal
Posted: Tuesday, October 2, 2018 10:30:35 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 352
Neurons: 1,921
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?

Short summary
When Azlan is holidaying with his friends in Langkawi, he meets and falls for a beautiful girl named Suri. Soon he begins to realise that Suri isn’t human but a ghost that inhabits the island.

Long summary
A young man, Azlan and his friends are on holiday, visiting the forbidden island of Pulau Langsuir. There, Azlan meets Suri, a beautiful girl, and falls in love with her. But slowly, he begins to realise that Suri isn’t human, but a 'langsuir' ghost that inhabits the island. His friends are desperate to protect him from Suri, and things get more complicated when Suri’s sister Dewi finds out about the romance and is willing to kill anyone who tries to harm her sister.
renee talley 1
Posted: Tuesday, October 2, 2018 11:25:51 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 8/1/2018
Posts: 111
Neurons: 2,403
Anxious Anxious Think Speak to the hand The two versions that you listed gave the description entailed but the word itself description was completely left out of both . (This is my version) One description of the unification was described fully was comparing me to Whistle Whistle someone else I wasn't aware to be true.Applause Applause Applause
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, October 3, 2018 4:23:00 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 30,140
Neurons: 176,780
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hi!
If you don't understand renee's message, don't worry - neither do I.

The only point in the short description is that Suri is a person (even if she is a ghost-person). Therefore, I would use 'who inhabits the island.'

In the long one, as 'Azlan' is an added name (which could be omitted) it should have two commas.

A young man and his friends are on holiday . . .
A young man, Azlan, and his friends are on holiday . . .


Again, 'that' should be 'who'.

Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Amybal
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 3:10:36 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 352
Neurons: 1,921
Hi Drag0nspeaker, thanks for reading my mind. I totally don't understand renee talley's message and thanks for the correction as well.
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