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Amybal
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2018 11:25:54 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 192
Neurons: 1,084
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?

Short summary
Woo Jin works hard to raise his young son Ji Ho after his wife Soo A died a year previously. But when the rainy season miraculously brings her back to them, she does not remember anything.

Long Summary
Woo Jin takes care of his son Ji Ho alone after his wife Soo A passed away. Before she passed away, she promised she would be back on a rainy day one year later. One year later, Soo A appears again, but she does not remember anything. Will she accept the truth and built a happy family?
palapaguy
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 12:51:59 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/28/2013
Posts: 1,009
Neurons: 10,058
Location: Calabasas, California, United States
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
Woo Jin works hard to raise his young son Ji Ho after his wife Soo A died a year earlier. But when the rainy season miraculously brings her back to them, she does not remember anything.

Long Summary
Woo Jin takes care of his son Ji Ho alone after his wife Soo A passed away. Before she passed away, she promised she would be back on a rainy day one year later. One year later, Soo A appears again, but she does not remember anything. Will she accept the truth and build a happy family?


What "truth"?

This is silly and fanciful, hard to comment on seriously.
Amybal
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 3:09:22 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 192
Neurons: 1,084
Thank you, palapaguy.

Will she accept the truth and build a happy family?

I would like to replace with "Will she agree to be together?". Does that sounds better?

What "truth"?
Since she does not remember anything about her past life, will she able to accept the truth that she has a family, her son and husband.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 5:03:30 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 29,427
Neurons: 169,650
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hello Amybal.

I agree that "previously"seems wrong - but "earlier"does npot quite work either.
Because the sentence is on the present (he works hard NOW), then I feel "a year ago" would be the normal phrase.

I think that "Will she accept the truth and build a happy family?" sounds better than "Will she agree to be together?"


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Amybal
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 11:12:12 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 192
Neurons: 1,084
Great, I will stick with "Will she accept the truth and build a happy family?

Thank you, Drag0nspeaker.
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