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Carmenex
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 10:06:05 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 1,014
Neurons: 5,349
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
I believe that X Inc. is the ideal place for me to pursue my professional career because of (its diverse clientele)/(wide range of clients), which offers the opportunity to work on multiple cases, each relating to (a possible synonym of it?) a different technology. Another upside to (working with)/(pursuing a career at) X Inc. is its/(the firm's) global reach and, in particular, its capacity to penetrate the competitive and expanding Asian market, as exemplified by the successful relationship established with the patent department of the Asian business/team of a world’s leading manufacturing company.

FounDit
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 11:14:23 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,844
Neurons: 51,787
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
My suggestions:

I believe that X Inc. is the ideal place for me to pursue my professional career because of its diverse clientele, which offers the opportunity to work on multiple cases, each relating to (involving [either one will work]) a different technology. Another dividend to working with X Inc. is the firm's global reach and, in particular, its capacity to work within the competitive and expanding Asian market, as exemplified by the successful relationship established with the patent department of the Asian branch of a world’s leading manufacturing company.



We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Carmenex
Posted: Sunday, July 15, 2018 9:09:31 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 1,014
Neurons: 5,349
FounDit wrote:
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
My suggestions:

I believe that X Inc. is the ideal place for me to pursue my professional career because of its diverse clientele, which offers the opportunity to work on multiple cases, each relating to (involving [either one will work]) a different technology. Another dividend to working with X Inc. is the firm's global reach and, in particular, its capacity to work within the competitive and expanding Asian market, as exemplified by the successful relationship established with the patent department of the Asian branch of a world’s leading manufacturing company.



Hi FounDit, and thank you for your suggestions. Only a couple of questions:
Why do you prefer dividend to upside in: Another dividend/upside to working with ...?
Can work within be replaced with one of the following expressions in bold: ... its capacity to acquire/gain/earn/achieve a prominent position in/within the competitive and expanding Asian market ... And, is it worth including its capacity?
What do you think about inverting the position of the adjectives competitive and expanding and writing: ... the expanding but very competitive (or the expanding and/but, at the same time, very competitive) Asian market, ...?


FounDit
Posted: Sunday, July 15, 2018 10:15:30 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,844
Neurons: 51,787
Carmenex wrote:
FounDit wrote:
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
My suggestions:

I believe that X Inc. is the ideal place for me to pursue my professional career because of its diverse clientele, which offers the opportunity to work on multiple cases, each relating to (involving [either one will work]) a different technology. Another dividend to working with X Inc. is the firm's global reach and, in particular, its capacity to work within the competitive and expanding Asian market, as exemplified by the successful relationship established with the patent department of the Asian branch of a world’s leading manufacturing company.



Hi FounDit, and thank you for your suggestions. Only a couple of questions:
Why do you prefer dividend to upside in: Another dividend/upside to working with ...?
Because "upside" is very informal and often used in slang expressions. Dividend has a more formal sound, and is business oriented with the meaning of a benefit. In fact, you may want to use "benefit".

Can work within be replaced with one of the following expressions in bold: ... its capacity to acquire/gain/earn/achieve a prominent position in/within the competitive and expanding Asian market ... And, is it worth including its capacity?
You already have a very long sentence. Adding words makes it even longer and most people tend to glide over or ignore long sentences halfway through reading them.

If you want to include these, however, I would suggest: " ... its capacity to achieve a prominent position within the competitive and expanding Asian market ... "

Using "its capacity" puts a focus on the Asian aspect of its business, so if you think that factor is very important, you may want to use it.

What do you think about inverting the position of the adjectives competitive and expanding and writing: ... the expanding and very competitive Asian market, ...?
If you want to do so, it works okay, I think. I would use this phrasing.




We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
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