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Grammar Options
Amybal
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2018 5:55:58 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 375
Neurons: 2,041
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?

Short summary
When a cleaner’s girlfriend, Dewi gets kidnapped by a group of highly professional mobster, he seeks his buddies form a rag-tag superhero group help to rescue her.

Long Summary
Yanto, a cleaner in a renowned Medical Company, has to save his girlfriend who gets kidnapped by a group of highly professional armed forces. As no authorities can help in this matter, he decides to rescue her by himself and sets out to gather his four friends who once made a promise to help each other in time of need. During the rescue mission, the effort takes them through a crazy adventure that has never been experiences or imagined by anyone before.
hedy mmm
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2018 7:53:43 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/29/2014
Posts: 1,104
Neurons: 538,071
Location: Borough of Bronx, New York, United States
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?
Short summary
When a cleaner’s girlfriend, Dewi gets kidnapped by a group of highly professional mobster, he seeks his buddies form a rag-tag superhero group help to rescue her.
Long Summary
Yanto, a cleaner in a renowned Medical Company, has to save his girlfriend who gets kidnapped by a group of highly professional armed forces. As no authorities can help in this matter, he decides to rescue her by himself and sets out to gather his four friends who once made a promise to help each other in time of need. During the rescue mission, the effort takes them through a crazy adventure that has never been experiences or imagined by anyone before.

Hi Amybal, here are a few suggestions, so as to read grammatically correct:
Short summary
When a cleaner’s girlfriend, Dewi, gets kidnapped by a group of highly professional mobsters, he seeks his buddies to form a rag-tag superhero group to help rescue her.

Long Summary
Yanto, a cleaner in a renowned Medical Company, has to save his girlfriend who gets kidnapped by a group of highly professional armed forces. As no authorities can help in this matter, he decides to rescue her by himself 'by himself' is not merited, instead 'he decides to rescue her with the aid of four friends who once made a promise to help each other in time of need. During the rescue mission, their efforts take('s' not needed) them through a crazy adventure that has never been experienced or imagined by anyone before.

hedy

"God graced us with today....don't waste it." hedy
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2018 8:23:44 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 30,410
Neurons: 179,355
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
I agree with hedy mmm - for once, her New York (plus) English and my North-western England (plus) English agree totally!.

I'd like to add a comment or two on word-choice, mainly, and some small detail.

Though it reads OK, and is very understandable, a "grammar fanatic" or "dedicated pedant" would say that the short version is wrong.
The subject of the whole sentence is "girlfriend" - but the last clause says "he seeks". The girlfriend is the final object of that clause, rather than the subject.
It would be fine in conversational English, and probably in advertising or a magazine. However, don't try this in an English exam!

The phrase "armed forces" is possibly unfortunate - it makes them sound like legitimate military people (not criminals).
armed forces pl n
(Military) the military forces of a nation or nations, including the army, navy, air force, marines, etc

Collins English Dictionary (the American Heritage and Webster's have almost identical definitions)

Though "by himself" is definitely not right, you could use just 'he decides to rescue her himself'.

"By himself" means "alone, without any help"
"Himself" (without 'by') is an intensifier, stressing that he didn't just leave it to the police.

He could not have help from his friends and 'do it by himself'.
He could 'do it himself' and use the help of his friends.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Amybal
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2018 10:57:17 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 375
Neurons: 2,041
Thank you, hedy mmm.

Just one more question, do I need to add a coma after the word help?

group to help rescue her.
hedy mmm
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2018 11:08:07 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/29/2014
Posts: 1,104
Neurons: 538,071
Location: Borough of Bronx, New York, United States
Hey DragOnspeaker ¡Muchas Gracias! Applause
It's great when TFDers from both sides of the globe agree...actually, we usually do...Thank you!


I do have one question thou...I thought the 'cleaner' was the subject?? Think
You're also right about the 'Armed Forces' ...maybe it should have read 'Armed men'...

Amybal, you're welcome and you don't need a comma between 'help' and 'rescue'...'to help rescue' is one thought/act/solution...

BTW Amybal, you are doing extremely well in improving your grammar... Applause Applause

hedy Liar

"God graced us with today....don't waste it." hedy
Amybal
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2018 11:21:59 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 375
Neurons: 2,041
Thank you, Drag0nspeaker.

The subject of the whole sentence is "girlfriend" - but the last clause says "he seeks". The girlfriend is the final object of that clause, rather than the subject.

This is absolutely right.

The phrase "armed forces" is possibly unfortunate - it makes them sound like legitimate military people (not criminal
s).
I defined as armed forces based on super power ability, but your definition is definitely make sense.

"By himself" means "alone, without any help"
Noted, I will keep in mind :-)
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 4:51:42 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 30,410
Neurons: 179,355
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
hedy mmm wrote:
Hey DragOnspeaker ¡Muchas Gracias! Applause
It's great when TFDers from both sides of the globe agree...actually, we usually do...Thank you!


I do have one question thou...I thought the 'cleaner' was the subject?? Think

Well, we agree till those pesky British vs American idioms show up!

The subject of "a cleaner’s girlfriend, Dewi, gets kidnapped by a group of highly professional mobsters" is really "a cleaner’s girlfriend, Dewi" - I simplified it to 'girlfriend'.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
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