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Amybal
Posted: Saturday, July 7, 2018 1:08:30 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 225
Neurons: 1,235
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?

Just to give you a clear picture of this description.

This is a box set which contain of two shows. Konsert Gergasi & Rocumentary which consist of two part.

Konsert Gergasi and Rocumentary are titles.
KRU is a pop band.

Short summary
Follow KRU’s 25 year history in a concert and two part of rocumentary that describing the true eternal feelings of the KRU’s band, the efforts made in the famed songs, and the endless joy of their career.

Long summary
Enjoy the country's most phenomenal pop group, KRU’s 25 year history in Konsert Gergasi KRU25. The group which comprised three brothers as a musical trio, steaming up the stage with many of their best-selling songs, including the popular Di Dalam Dilema, Negatif and Ooh La La!.In Rocmuntary which consists of two parts, feature their journey in the entertainment scene since 1992.
FounDit
Posted: Saturday, July 7, 2018 9:34:44 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,156
Neurons: 49,031
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?
I put the titles in italics. They could also be in bold, but I think italics works better. I didn't do that consistently in other posts, but perhaps I should have. I reworded these a bit to make them read more smoothly.

Just to give you a clear picture of this description.

This is a box set which contain of two shows. Konsert Gergasi & Rocumentary which consists of two parts.

Konsert Gergasi and Rocumentary are titles.
KRU is a pop band.

Short summary
Follow KRU’s 25 year history in a concert and in the two part feature, Rocumentary, which describes the true eternal (did you mean "internal"?) feelings of KRU’s band, the efforts made in the creation of some of their famous songs, and the endless joy of their career.

Long summary
Enjoy the country's most phenomenal pop group, KRU’s 25 year history in Konsert Gergasi KRU25. The group, which is comprised of three brothers, steam up the stage with many of their best-selling songs, including the popular Di Dalam Dilema, Negatif and Ooh La La!. In Rocmuntary, which consists of two parts, their journey in the entertainment scene since 1992 is featured.


A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Amybal
Posted: Sunday, July 8, 2018 11:23:06 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 225
Neurons: 1,235
Thank you FounDit.

I agree with the changes but just add few of my points, so please let me know if this sounds odd. Thank you.


These are songs name: Hingga ke Jannah, Erti Aidilfitri, Wanita

Short summary
Follow KRU’s 25 year history in a concert, two-part Rocumentary and seven additional songs, which describes the true feelings of KRU’s band and efforts made in the creation of some of their famous songs.

Long summary
Enjoy the country's most phenomenal pop group, KRU’s 25 year history in Konsert Gergasi KRU25. The group, which is comprised of three brothers, steam up the stage with many of their best-selling songs. In Rocumentary, which consists of two parts, their journey in the entertainment scene since 1992 is featured. And the group is ready to entertain you with additional seven songs for you such as Hingga ke Jannah, Erti Aidilfitri, Wanita and many more.
FounDit
Posted: Monday, July 9, 2018 2:56:49 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,156
Neurons: 49,031
Amybal wrote:
Thank you FounDit.

I agree with the changes but just add few of my points, so please let me know if this sounds odd. Thank you.
I offer these suggestions:

These are song names: Hingga ke Jannah, Erti Aidilfitri, Wanita

Short summary
Follow KRU’s 25 year history in a concert, and a two-part Rocumentary, along with seven additional songs, which describe the true feelings of KRU’s band and efforts made in the creation of some of their famous songs.

Long summary
Enjoy the country's most phenomenal pop group, KRU’s 25 year history in Konsert Gergasi KRU25. The group, which is comprised of three brothers, steam up the stage with many of their best-selling songs. In Rocumentary, which consists of two parts, their journey in the entertainment scene since 1992 is featured. And the group is ready to entertain you with an additional seven songs, such as Hingga ke Jannah, Erti Aidilfitri, Wanita, and many more.


A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Amybal
Posted: Tuesday, July 10, 2018 5:52:59 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 225
Neurons: 1,235
Thank you for the suggestions, FounDit.

It helps a lot.
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