The Free Dictionary  
mailing list For webmasters
Welcome Guest Forum Search | Active Topics | Members

Grammar Options
Amybal
Posted: Friday, May 11, 2018 1:26:07 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 251
Neurons: 1,373
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
Dedicated to the concept of women's empowerment. Enjoy an authentic female artiste concert filled with dazzling dance entertainment of your favorite female artist from South India.

Long summary
A show about women empowerment. Enjoy a power packed performance of your favorite actress Amala Paul, actress/model Raai Laxmi, actress Hansika Motwani, playback singer Andrea Jermiah and many more. Experience your favorite performers like you’ve never seen them before, in an intimate setting that puts you up close no matter where you sit.
FounDit
Posted: Friday, May 11, 2018 3:11:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,284
Neurons: 49,559
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?
It's not bad, but I would suggest a bit of rewording. I would omit "authentic", since it means genuine, or real. It suggests the female artist isn't genuine.

Short summary
This show is entertainment dedicated to the concept of women's empowerment. Enjoy a concert filled with dazzling dance entertainment from many favorite female artists of South India.

Long summary
A show about women empowerment, this power packed performance from some of your favorite people, such as actress Amala Paul, actress/model Raai Laxmi, actress Hansika Motwani, playback singer Andrea Jermiah and many more, will be pure joy. Experience your favorite performers like you’ve never seen them before, in an intimate setting that puts you up close, no matter where you sit.


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Amybal
Posted: Wednesday, May 16, 2018 12:27:10 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 251
Neurons: 1,373
Thank you for the correction, FounDit.
Users browsing this topic
Guest


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS
Forum Terms and Guidelines | Privacy policy | Copyright © 2008-2018 Farlex, Inc. All rights reserved.