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Amybal
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2018 3:20:33 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 220
Neurons: 1,213
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?

These are songs description of kid's songs.
1. Join space explorers Didi, Nana and Jojo as they embark on a journey to strange planets, and watch as they learn fun and groovy dances from their new alien friends! Hora Horey!

2. Happy Bear is not fond of vegetables. But watching Didi, Nana and Jojo enjoy eating their greens makes her feel excited! Happy Bear opens and to try some vegetables and ends up loving it! Hora Horey!


This is a combination of the show, along with two songs.
Have fun with Konsert Hora Horey Didi & Friends, along with two special songs just for you. In Konsert Hora Horey Didi & Friends, Didi and his friends are ready to entertain you with some new songs as well as some old, well-known favourites. In Tong Tong, Didi and his friends learn fun and groovy dances from their new alien friends. In Nyam Nyam, the Happy Bear is watching Didi, Nana and Jojo enjoy eating their greens and that makes her feel excited to try some vegetables.
FounDit
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2018 2:25:41 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,146
Neurons: 48,982
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?
My suggestions:

These are songs description of kid's songs.
1. Join space explorers Didi, Nana and Jojo as they embark on a journey to strange planets, and watch as they learn fun and groovy dances from their new alien friends! Hora Horey!

2. Happy Bear is not fond of vegetables. But watching Didi, Nana and Jojo as they enjoy eating their greens makes her feel excited! Happy Bear opens a package(?) to try some vegetables and ends up loving it! Hora Horey!


This is a combination of the show, along with two songs.
Have fun with Konsert Hora Horey Didi & Friends, along with two special songs just for you. In Konsert Hora Horey Didi & Friends, Didi and his friends are ready to entertain you with some new songs as well as some old, well-known favourites. In Tong Tong, Didi and his friends learn fun and groovy dances from their new alien friends. In Nyam Nyam, Happy Bear is watching Didi, Nana and Jojo as they enjoy eating their greens and that makes her feel excited to try vegetables, too.


A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Amybal
Posted: Saturday, April 14, 2018 11:18:26 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 220
Neurons: 1,213

as they Happy Bear opens a package(?) to try some vegetables and ends up loving it! Hora Horey!

Hi FounDit,

Can I say:

Happy Bear decides to try some vegetables and ends up loving it! Hora Horey!

Because I'm unsure the Happy Bear opens a package or she gets from someone.
FounDit
Posted: Saturday, April 14, 2018 11:38:23 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,146
Neurons: 48,982
Amybal wrote:

as they Happy Bear opens a package(?) to try some vegetables and ends up loving it! Hora Horey!

Hi FounDit,

Can I say:

Happy Bear decides to try some vegetables and ends up loving it! Hora Horey!

Because I'm unsure the Happy Bear opens a package or she gets from someone.


I was not sure also, that's why I used the "?". I wondered if he cooked what he opened. But your change works well.

Happy Bear decides to try some vegetables and ends up loving it! Hora Horey!


A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
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