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Around noon, Emma traveled by car Options
Nikitus
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2018 9:28:42 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
Posts: 361
Neurons: 1,754
Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all your help and time.

Are the following sentences grammatically correct?


Around noon, Emma traveled by car with her friend Mia towards the city of Indigo. Her friend, who immediately offered to accompany her, also had a tough week and felt that this would be the ideal opportunity to disconnect from everything and have a pleasant time, while Emma's thoughts were focused on how to negotiate with Tim.


Thanks.
FounDit
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2018 2:17:57 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,427
Neurons: 50,158
Nikitus wrote:
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all your help and time.

Are the following sentences grammatically correct?
They may be grammatically correct, but could be worded better, IMO. The problem, as I see it, is that you mention Emma and Mia, but in the next sentence mention "her friend". It isn't clear if that friend is Mia or another.

Also, you attempt to draw a contrast between the two as to what they are focused on during the trip, and I think that could be better stated. For example:


Around noon, Emma traveled by car with her friend Mia towards the city of Indigo.
During the drive, Emma's thoughts were focused on how to negotiate with Tim, but Mia had experienced a tough week, and saw the trip as an ideal opportunity to disconnect from everything and have a pleasant time.


Thanks.


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
BobShilling
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2018 2:25:58 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 4/1/2018
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Neurons: 3,098
Location: Beroun, Stredocesky, Czech Republic
Nikitus wrote:
Around noon, Emma traveled by car


If the journey began before noon, Emma was travelling at noon.

If the journey began at/around noon, Emma set off with her friend Mia on the drive to the city of Indigo at/around noon.There are other ways to say the second sentence, but 'traveled' is not appropriate.
Parpar1836
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2018 6:23:17 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/30/2014
Posts: 290
Neurons: 10,023
Location: Rochester, New York, United States
Around noon, Emma took off in her Toyota, with her friend Mia in the passenger seat, driving towards the city of Indigo. Mia, who had promptly offered to accompany her, had also had a tough week. While Emma's thoughts were focused on how to negotiate with Tim, Mia saw this as the ideal opportunity to disconnect from the stress and anxiety of work and have a pleasant time.
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