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Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?
Short summary
After dying unexpectedly, firefighter Ja-hong is taken to the afterlife by three guardians, where only after passing seven trials and proving he lived a noble life will he be able to reincarnate.
Long summary
When firefighter Kim Ja-hong dies unexpectedly during his duty, he’s greeted by three guardians who are his escorts through the afterlife. He is informed that because he was a paragon of virtue in life, he’s eligible for reincarnation, as long as he’s acquitted in seven trials on seven levels of hell.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 8,786
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Amybal wrote:Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?
Short summary
After dying unexpectedly, firefighter Ja-hong is taken to the afterlife by three guardians, where only after passing seven trials and proving he lived a noble life will he be able to reincarnate.
I suggest:
Long summary
When firefighter Kim Ja-hong dies unexpectedly on the job/fighting a fire, he’s greeted by three guardians who are his escorts through the afterlife. He is informed that because he was a paragon of virtue in life, he’s eligible for reincarnation, as long as he’s acquitted in seven trials, each on the seven different levels of hell.
A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
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