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Amybal
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2018 5:59:37 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 297
Neurons: 1,620
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
After dying unexpectedly, firefighter Ja-hong is taken to the afterlife by three guardians, where only after passing seven trials and proving he lived a noble life will he be able to reincarnate.

Long summary
When firefighter Kim Ja-hong dies unexpectedly during his duty, he’s greeted by three guardians who are his escorts through the afterlife. He is informed that because he was a paragon of virtue in life, he’s eligible for reincarnation, as long as he’s acquitted in seven trials on seven levels of hell.
FounDit
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2018 12:48:47 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,420
Neurons: 50,129
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
After dying unexpectedly, firefighter Ja-hong is taken to the afterlife by three guardians, where only after passing seven trials and proving he lived a noble life will he be able to reincarnate.

I suggest:
Long summary
When firefighter Kim Ja-hong dies unexpectedly on the job/fighting a fire, he’s greeted by three guardians who are his escorts through the afterlife. He is informed that because he was a paragon of virtue in life, he’s eligible for reincarnation, as long as he’s acquitted in seven trials, each on the seven different levels of hell.


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
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