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expected/likely Options
Carmenex
Posted: Monday, December 04, 2017 9:04:08 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 907
Neurons: 4,799
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
She would prefer to pursue her career/work in X Insurance, as she feels/believes (that?) the X insurance industry could play a significant role in the retirement market in the next few years. In fact/Indeed, (phenomena such as?) auto-enrolment, pension freedom, and the ageing population are expected/likely to produce/determine/cause a significant (a possible synonym?) shift in (the?) profit pool composition towards/(to the advantage of) defined contributions, bulk annuities and drawdown. The X insurance industry, thanks to its chief position in workplace pensions and its profound actuarial expertise, is well positioned to benefit from these market-shaping trends. (Is a preposition needed?) she believes that Y Inc. is the ideal place for her to achieve her professional goals because of the company’s globally integrated nature, and its entrepreneurial culture.
FounDit
Posted: Tuesday, December 05, 2017 5:02:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 8,306
Neurons: 44,413
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:My suggestions:

She would prefer to pursue her career in X Insurance, as she believes (that? may be left or omitted IMO) the X insurance industry could play a significant role in the retirement market in the next few years. In fact, (phenomena such as? okay) auto-enrolment, pension freedom, and the ageing population are expected to produce a significant (a possible synonym? "notable" might be one, but significant is good also) shift in (the) profit pool composition towards defined contributions, bulk annuities and drawdown. The X insurance industry, thanks to its chief position in workplace pensions and its profound actuarial expertise, is well positioned to benefit from these market-shaping trends. (Is a preposition needed? I suggest: Also,) she believes that Y Inc. is the ideal place for her to achieve her professional goals because of the company’s globally integrated nature, and its entrepreneurial culture.


A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Carmenex
Posted: Tuesday, December 05, 2017 7:45:10 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 907
Neurons: 4,799
FounDit wrote:
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:My suggestions:

She would prefer to pursue her career in X Insurance, as she believes (that? may be left or omitted IMO) the X insurance industry could play a significant role in the retirement market in the next few years. In fact, (phenomena such as? okay) auto-enrolment, pension freedom, and the ageing population are expected to produce a significant (a possible synonym? "notable" might be one, but significant is good also) shift in (the) profit pool composition towards defined contributions, bulk annuities and drawdown. The X insurance industry, thanks to its chief position in workplace pensions and its profound actuarial expertise, is well positioned to benefit from these market-shaping trends. (Is a preposition needed? I suggest: Also,) she believes that Y Inc. is the ideal place for her to achieve her professional goals because of the company’s globally integrated nature, and its entrepreneurial culture.


Hi FounDit, and thank for your helpful suggestions. Only a couple of questions: what do you think about omitting phenomena such as, and just write In fact, auto-enrollment, pension freedom, and the ageing population are expected to produce a significant ..., or do you think that it is worth including it?
Do you advice using a preposition (Also), or it can be omitted and the sentence can start as follows: She believes that Y Inc. is the ideal place for her to achieve her professional goals because ...?
Carmenex
Posted: Wednesday, December 06, 2017 9:39:53 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 907
Neurons: 4,799
FounDit wrote:
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:My suggestions:

She would prefer to pursue her career in X Insurance, as she believes (that? may be left or omitted IMO) the X insurance industry could play a significant role in the retirement market in the next few years. In fact, (phenomena such as? okay) auto-enrolment, pension freedom, and the ageing population are expected to produce a significant (a possible synonym? "notable" might be one, but significant is good also) shift in (the) profit pool composition towards defined contributions, bulk annuities and drawdown. The X insurance industry, thanks to its chief position in workplace pensions and its profound actuarial expertise, is well positioned to benefit from these market-shaping trends. (Is a preposition needed? I suggest: Also,) she believes that Y Inc. is the ideal place for her to achieve her professional goals because of the company’s globally integrated nature, and its entrepreneurial culture.


Hi FounDit, and thank for your helpful suggestions. Only a couple of questions: what do you think about omitting phenomena such as, and just write In fact, auto-enrollment, pension freedom, and the ageing population are expected to produce a notable shift in ..., or do you think that it is worth including it?
Do you advice using a preposition (Also), or it can be omitted and the sentence can start as follows: She believes that Y Inc. is the ideal place for her to achieve her professional goals because ...?
What would the difference in meaning of the sentence be if chief is replaced with well-established, and would it be correct?
FounDit
Posted: Wednesday, December 06, 2017 4:00:52 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 8,306
Neurons: 44,413
Carmenex wrote:
FounDit wrote:
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:My suggestions:

She would prefer to pursue her career in X Insurance, as she believes (that? may be left or omitted IMO) the X insurance industry could play a significant role in the retirement market in the next few years. In fact, (phenomena such as? okay) auto-enrolment, pension freedom, and the ageing population are expected to produce a significant (a possible synonym? "notable" might be one, but significant is good also) shift in (the) profit pool composition towards defined contributions, bulk annuities and drawdown. The X insurance industry, thanks to its chief position in workplace pensions and its profound actuarial expertise, is well positioned to benefit from these market-shaping trends. (Is a preposition needed? I suggest: Also,) she believes that Y Inc. is the ideal place for her to achieve her professional goals because of the company’s globally integrated nature, and its entrepreneurial culture.


Hi FounDit, and thank for your helpful suggestions. Only a couple of questions: what do you think about omitting phenomena such as, and just write In fact, auto-enrollment, pension freedom, and the ageing population are expected to produce a notable shift in ..., or do you think that it is worth including it?
I started to suggest omitting it, but left it simply because in its most literal form it means something that is fact, an actual occurrence of something. However, I think your suggestion of omitting it works better.

Do you advice using a preposition (Also), or it can be omitted and the sentence can start as follows: She believes that Y Inc. is the ideal place for her to achieve her professional goals because ...?
It sounds more natural to me to include the "Also", but it isn't mandatory.

What would the difference in meaning of the sentence be if chief is replaced with well-established, and would it be correct?

I like that better. I wanted to suggest a different word, but at that moment, none came to mind. This is a good substitute.

A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
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