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Before that, Janet decided to take the risk Options
Nikitus
Posted: Monday, November 13, 2017 8:05:46 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
Posts: 266
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Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all your time and help.

I want to ask about the following:



Before that, Janet decided to take the risk and suggest to her new friend the original message that Janet disguised as a ghost should give to him, but Janet was fearing that him would have actually heard the message, discover the deception and was placing a decoy to discover her.



Is it correct to use "Before that, Janet decided to take the risk and suggest to her new friend the original message that Janet disguised as a ghost should give to him


Is it correct to use "but Janet was fearing that him would have actually heard the message, discover the deception and was placing a decoy to discover her."


Thanks.
thar
Posted: Monday, November 13, 2017 8:30:23 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/8/2010
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Neurons: 63,570
Whoa, slow down.
First thing - this is all one sentence. That is too long, too complicated and you run out of breath by the end. Breathe, pause, and break it up. Punctuate. One sentence, one idea. It is hard to unravel what you mean when the reader doesn't know what the point of the sentence is, or where it is going.

Think about the subject of each verb, and the tense of each verb.
You have a mixture of inflected and infinitive verbs, and a mixture of subject and object pronouns. I think you need to simplify first. Then, if you have some statements you want to join together using clauses and conjunctions, I think you will be in a better position to get the right verb forms.

NKM
Posted: Monday, November 13, 2017 11:39:29 AM

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Location: Corinth, New York, United States
Thar says it's "hard to unravel what you mean."

That seems to me an understatement. I've read it several times, and I can't find any way to make sense of it.

Even after adding parentheses around "disguised as a ghost" and changing "him would have" to "he would have", I still don't understand what it means.

taurine
Posted: Monday, November 13, 2017 12:19:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/20/2016
Posts: 567
Neurons: 51,118
"The original message" might be the beginning point. It was important in a certain way.
Later on Janet decided to take the risk.
Janet suggested - because she was brave enough to do so - to her new friend to focus on the original message.
This message was "disguised as a ghost".
"The word dord is a notable error in lexicography, an accidental creation, or ghost word".

"On February 28, 1939, an editor noticed "dord" lacked an etymology and investigated. Soon an order was sent to the printer marked "plate change/imperative/urgent". In 1940, bound books began appearing without the ghost word but with a new abbreviation (although inspection of printed copies well into the 1940s show "dord" still present).[2] The non-word "dord" was excised, and the definition of the adjacent entry "Doré furnace" was expanded from "A furnace for refining dore bullion" to "a furnace in which dore bullion is refined" to close up the space. Gove wrote that this was "probably too bad, for why shouldn't dord mean 'density'?"[1] The entry "dord" was not removed until 1947".

But it may also be treated as a deliberate attempt to convince the reader about its other meaning, that is, "word". In this example, the word I am choosing is "decoy".
The word "decoy" in my opinion does not fit in the context seamlessly because - it is my secret. Drool


My opinion should have been read as a complement to what Thar has advised.
As long as the Thar writes to the contrary.



Gilroy limited edition CAN Guinness.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Monday, November 13, 2017 1:19:48 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 27,115
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Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Janet planned to (while disguised as a ghost) give him a message. She had thought of one particular message.

Something happened (no idea what) but before that, Janet decided to risk asking her new friend's opinion of the 'ghost message'.

However, she was afraid that 'he' (the person she was going to make a fool of) had already heard about the trick, and that he had sent this new friend as a spy to find out the truth.

***************
It IS immensely complex and devious, however you write it.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."
- Sir Walter Scott (Marmion, 1808)

Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
whatson
Posted: Monday, November 13, 2017 2:59:00 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/19/2016
Posts: 269
Neurons: 2,326
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
*
Make sure the sentence makes sense. The length is
no problem. It wasn't for the English translator. See

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gates_of_Paradise



If I were a lame 'un, I wouldn't advertise it.
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